Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Dear Mr. Taco Time,

How can you sleep at night knowing that you deceive your customers on a daily basis? That’s right, I know the secret behind your “Mexi-Fries.” They’re not fries at all, but rather Mexi-LIES—tater tots in disguise! I bet you thought nobody would ever find out, but guess again, bucko! Not only do I know, but everyone who is either Mexican or has Mexican heritage knows. What, did you believe they would actually think that those were French fries, and  not reanimated potato refuse?

Perhaps this is even more sinister than it appears. Perhaps the vaguely racist sentiments expressed are intentional. French fries are sliced from whole potatoes, while tater tots are glued together from the scraps that remain. Are you trying to imply that Mexicans are the scraps not good enough to be a part of French society? HMM? 

But maybe your racism was unintentional. We can fix that. Let’s change the name. I suggest Taco-Tots. It has the “Three-A”s that people crave: alliteration, accuracy, and “allure.” What do I mean by allure? Not sure, really. I put it in there because people like groups of threes and I couldn’t think of a more relevant “A”. Well, it looks like I’m just about out of the 250 word limit that you FASCISTS imposed on me, so I guess I’ll leave you with this question: from what animal are the meat-flavored crispy burritos derived? Is it PEOPLE?!

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