Monday, May 4, 2015

Dear The Hershey Company,

Has anybody in your chocolate empire ever actually eaten a Kit-Kat bar? I only ask because your latest ads make some egregious errors in regards to the product in question. First of all, you cannot make music snapping and breaking Kit-Kats as they do not produce a delightful pop sound. Until you make your candy out of those short-lived biodegradable Sun Chips bags, the wafers will merely produce a dull crisp sound. 

I’m willing to let that slide, though—a phrase that your child slaves wish they heard instead of being struck by one of your slave drivers. A little artistic license to sell your product is perfectly reasonable. HOWEVER, I will not tolerate this notion that people eat their Kit-Kats by first breaking them in half. This is not how your product works. It is to be snapped along the perforated lines and then eaten as individual sticks. Not half-sticks, full-on sticks. Sure, some people probably do break them in half first, but they are fools, and their stupidity is not to be promoted on the television. Not in my America!